In the age of the Internet, it seems that maintaining relationships at a distance has become easier than ever. Gone are the days when long-distance calls cost a fortune. No more hoping for mail, waiting weeks for news from your loved one. We turn on notifications in the messenger and instantly get a response from anywhere in the world. But ask anyone with a long-distance romance: technology doesn't solve all the problems.
According to the survey, 24% of respondents maintain a romantic relationship with partners from other cities and even countries. Do they have a chance for a strong and beautiful relationship?
1. Prioritize your schedule
Different work schedules, sleep mode and time zones bring chaos to the life of the most devoted couples, if it is difficult for them to find time to chat with each other.
When are you in a better mood? Can you devote your partner undivided attention in the evening or early in the morning? Are you annoyed or happy about sudden messages? Who has a more flexible schedule? When do you most of all want to feel intimacy with each other - at the beginning or end of the day? Who should initiate communication?
Any arrangements work if both partners are satisfied. But if you adhere to a rhythm that is convenient only for you, be prepared to face discontent and irritation.
2. Make sure you have common goals
Relationships at a distance satisfy lovers more and bring less stress when both understand that this is a temporary situation. It is easier to enjoy the benefits of a novel at a distance than to suffer from the thought that your separation is irresistible.
But if one is satisfied with the status quo and the other is desperately looking for a way to reunite? If one partner sees in the distance a temporary difficulty that will turn into - to mutual satisfaction - an engagement or a decision to live together, and everything else suits the other, friction will inevitably arise. Therefore, constantly speak out your expectations regarding the direction in which your relationship is developing.
3. Do not rely solely on technology
Are you ready to thank the wonders of technology for social networks, skype, video conferencing and instant messengers that allow you to communicate in real time?
But do not forget about the power of physical contact. Keep your partner’s garment so that you can breathe in the scent of a familiar perfume. Keep his gifts in the bedroom, where they will serve as a reminder of your love. Please each other with souvenirs: a funny postcard or a surprise, send your partner a bouquet or a box of your favorite sweets!
4. Pay attention to the quality of communication.
Curiously, couples who communicate at a distance are often more satisfied with communication than those who live nearby. They understand how precious the opportunity to communicate. In addition, they don’t have to waste words on everyday interactions (“Why haven’t you taken out the trash yet?” Or “But I want to go to a Chinese restaurant - we went to McDonald’s last week”).
Take advantage of the distance novel to your advantage. You do not talk too often, but you have a great opportunity to improve the quality of communication. If you call before going to bed, think in advance about what important events of the day you would like to talk about. Since you do not see the expression on the face of the partner and cannot touch it, you should choose the words a little more carefully. Understand the limitations of talking on the phone or skype - and make sure you say the things you have to say. So you will create a strong and deep connection with each other, regardless of how many cities or countries you share.
5. Do not avoid the “boring” details - they strengthen the bond
Caring for the quality of communication does not mean neglecting trifles. You will remain strangers, not knowing how each other’s usual day develops. Who did your partner talk to during the lunch break? What kind of music did he listen to? What did she cook for dinner? How did he repair his room? Who infuriates her at work?
Of course, no one wants to listen to the minute-by-minute report of what happened in your day, but you should be included in each other's life enough to have an idea of people and events that fill everyday life. This will allow you to maintain proximity, being hundreds and thousands of kilometers from each other.
6. Do not plan too busy meetings
When we are forced to stay away from each other for a long time, and then meet, we feel that we should not waste a single minute wasted. This is a double edged sword. Yes, you are unlikely to argue who should change the toilet paper roll, but the desire to squeeze the maximum out of the meeting can make you paint your joint leisure activities so tightly that it will cause stress.
Do you think that you should devote to your partner every free minute if you see each other only once every few months? Do not forget that intimacy is made up of trifles, and not just vivid experiences. Lying on the couch while watching a series is sometimes no less important than visiting museums or looking for a new chic restaurant. Leave each other free space when you are together. This is not a lost time, it is an opportunity to breathe one air and feel intimacy.
7. Do not put off your life for later
Relations at a distance require sacrifice. But do not invest in them more than necessary, so that later you do not feel offense and regret. This is risky, especially if your separation is delayed, due to objective reasons, for example, problems with work, relatives or financial troubles.
If one of the partners did not make friendships, interests or hobbies, because he did not plan to stay for a long time, he may regret missed opportunities. It is one thing to look forward to when you are reunited again, and quite another to put off your life for later.
Make sure that you do everything to live a full life here and now. Do not lock yourself in, doing only work, avoiding communication and neglecting your interests. Let your every day be full, regardless of whether you have a partner near you. Extra bonus? This will make separation time run faster!
8. Believe in the best
Try to benefit from the novel from a distance. Separation can make you value each other more, as we tend to idealize a partner that we don’t see every day. Such reframing is useful because it gives you hope and a sense of control over your life. Do not dwell on how unhappy you are because you cannot be together. Better think about what you can do to get closer to each other.
9. Do not start interrogations and investigations.
This is the main stumbling block of a relationship at a distance: your partner is not near you. Do you think the saying "Out of sight - out of mind" is correct? Or believe that separation strengthens love?
Of course, relationships at a distance give much more reason to suspect a partner of infidelity. But do not let these thoughts make you suspicious and insecure. When you want to hear a partner’s voice, call him. If you want to write a message, write. But do not play the detective story: your partner will misinterpret your obsession and stop feeling desirable.
Relationships at a distance are based on trust, and you simply cannot know what your loved one is doing every minute. And the easier you relate to this, the better.
10. Trust - and earn trust
Mutual trust is the task of both partners. And it's not just about sexual adultery, there are many other ways to break relationships. Can you count on a partner - in the main and in the details? Does he call you when he promised or “forgets” if other things appear? She sticks to the plans that you have built, or easily reschedules meetings? Does he remember everything that is important to you, or when talking with him, do you feel that his thoughts are somewhere far away?
You can ask these questions to yourself. How much do you look like the person with whom you would like to build a relationship?
