Usually women are worried about the very opposite question: why do men leave? Rather, they voice it more often. Because to ask: why doesn’t that year leave him from his wife, who, according to him, cannot stand it and with which he hasn’t slept all this time - “indecent”.
It is considered that everything connected with the preservation of the family is sacred. And, on the contrary, the woman who became the cause of the breakdown of the “cell of society” will in this society be considered a priori an outcast. “You cannot build happiness on someone else’s misfortune” - this nonsense has long become common knowledge.
Why do people who have a persistent aversion to each other, do not tolerate the tastes and interests of another, people who communicate between them is reduced to the solution of inevitable everyday issues and constant squabbles, should live together and be called a family? But such families are not just a lot, but a terrifying lot.
Life is wasted, next to a man whom you do not just do not like, but often can not tolerate. Why stay together?
The most common answer is for children. And what does it mean? Yes, it is possible to accept such a reason, when the child is absolutely small - it is too difficult to raise it yourself. And when he is aware of what is happening? And he sees that the relationship between the parents, if not enemy, then, at best, indifferently hostile. And why does he need it? To accept both the norm and the role model?
No, from a woman’s point of view, everything can be explained. Firstly, women are really afraid of loneliness, afraid of being lonely. Secondly, it is completely unknown how the former spouse will treat his son or daughter, will he help with money? Thirdly, a woman divorced is considered to be "abandoned." There are fourth and fifth, and even tenth.
And the men? If he thinks he loves another, if he has someone to go to? Why not leave?
Probably, there is no such statistics, how many women were waiting for such "constantly-leaving" men. And waited more than one year. At first the children were small, then they had to finish school, go to college. Or another option - "sick" wife. The patient in quotes is clear why? Or any other reason, but certainly noble. We are still trying to turn meanness into nobility, into sacrifice. "It’s so hard for me ... she doesn’t understand me at all ... we are strangers ..." Yes, and compulsory - we don’t sleep with her.
Women, answer, how can you believe in such nonsense? Well, okay, if it is said once. But you manage to believe over the years! For years !!!! And it is convenient for him. Virtually any relationship is built not so much on what we feel for the partner, as on how we feel ourselves. And you give him the opportunity to feel not only smart and attractive, but noble. Even when nobility is fictional.
And after that you will ask - when will he take at least something to make you and yourself happy? Are you sure that this is what he wants?
But, honestly speaking, we are afraid. Whatever macho men do not represent themselves as men, they are all cowards, without exception. Cowardly with respect to change that we cannot influence. Moreover, the older we get, the smarter, the more cowardly.
Do you know what kind of thought lives constantly in the head of a man facing such a choice? What if ETA will be the same or worse than TA?
All this is wonderful when you still do not know what life is with another person. When all dreams are pink, you go on vacation only together, and you will certainly go somewhere to the Maldives, and your wife is a sensitive person who understands your views, a person who will only try to make your life more beautiful.
And it is quite another thing when you have experience, when you know that literally the next day after the wedding you can see a completely different person. And you wonder - what will happen to THIS with time? It is not by chance that now you are so indifferent to the one that already exists? Then what is the point of changing a rather comfortable position with the already familiar way of life and the acuteness of relations on the side, for something that will not have this acuteness, but it is quite possible that something will be no better (and maybe worse) than the current squabble and bored life?
And there, behind your back will be what you have already gotten used to, but what awaits you ahead? Habits will have to change again, you will have to completely revise your life. Let boring, but become so familiar ...
And this is the second main reason why we so often hold on to the old, even if we are in it really bad. We are afraid again. We are afraid of the new.
If in a career or business men can be creative, then in life we are very conservative. We are afraid (and too lazy, to be honest) to rebuild ourselves. But you have to. Moreover, in this situation, we are likely to be forced to accept the conditions of a new woman. By the way, this is why a man, unlike a woman, is easier to go nowhere than to someone. Well, what's the point of running from one to something that is likely to be the same?
And she will definitely decide that we should be “changed”, adjusted to some made-up picture, even in trifles, even in something serious. We know that usually a woman is compliant and pliable only until she gets what she wants. But then the principles come into force: where does he go now?
I reread the written and understand - yes, everything is correct. That's right, but ... only not when you meet a person with whom you want to be despite all the thoughts that will happen anyway. And then this person is actually yours. And the one whom you sometimes almost hate is definitely not yours. And an understanding comes that neither cowardice, nor the fear of change are worth the years that you live in an emotional emptiness, in which the only thing that remains to hold two people together is the stamp in the passport.
I know what I'm talking about, because I went through it all myself.
As usual, we sat in "our" cafe and drank traditional coffee with cognac. And I shyly averted my eyes and repeated the duty phrases with the duty excuses. And about the fact that I can not leave my son, and about something else. But it turned out to be much stronger: "I have been waiting for this for a long time. And the only request is to give me a week." This week we left their cities. And everything was fine, it was good, so that I began to think, but were all these fears appropriate?
And six months later, on my birthday, she came with her husband - almost immediately after our separation, she got married. And I was jealous of her.
And even later we found each other’s phones in different countries and talked for hours. And I still could not understand, whether I am trying to justify myself for my cowardice, or if I didn’t love her so much.
