I think it is advisable to immediately identify a couple of points about yourself. I do not have rich parents who support me. My income is average. I do not own a home and a car.
I am an ordinary provincial who has been living in the capital for 11 years. At the same time, I am so brought up that I do not sell my love for money. Therefore, I find it normal in relationships not only to demand something from men financially, but also to spend money myself. But in practice, this life principle of mine is transformed into the desire to save their money on themselves.
The motives for saving their money were different: at the beginning of a relationship, to show that I needed a man, not his money; in the middle - that I am economical and take care of him; at the end of a relationship, you didn't have to save them money. After all, no one wanted to waste them on me.
So story number one - the beginning of a relationship. The first date - going to the cinema. He buys tickets. Everything went well. We are going to the taxi home. And I said to him: "Listen, did you pay for the tickets - let me pay for the taxi?" His answer: "If I knew that you would pay for a taxi, you would buy chips with a cola at the cinema. Well, pay, if you want it so." I paid with a clear conscience, because she herself suggested it. And what is most unpleasant, after this date, he, and not I, did not want to extend the relationship.
History number two - the middle of a relationship. He is a secured doctor from another city. I am a graduate student. Relationships began with this person during the summer holidays and very rapidly developed. Autumn came - I returned to study, so the meetings continued only on weekends.
The first meeting, he just put the money on the table and said: "This is for you. Buy yourself what you want." And what did I do? I felt guilty and responsible for how I would spend the money. One thought reigned in my head: "I am not an egoist. It is not beautiful to spend his earned money only on himself." And this phrase led my actions. For his first money, I bought him a pair of expensive medical gowns. For the second - a sweater in the company store.
Then I said: "Honey, remember, you gave me money? So, I did not spend it on myself, but bought you a gift," and in a beautiful package I brought what I had brought. Reactions: "Oh, what a fine fellow you are" - was not. There was a silent silence, a dry word of gratitude. You do not think he liked the gifts. He told me later what kind of enthusiasm he received for bathrobes and a sweater from co-workers and friends.
But for some reason, the understanding that I spend money on him and not on myself did not motivate him to continue giving them to me further. More I did not get a penny from him. Then I bought him gifts for my money already. Therefore, when we broke up - he had half of the wardrobe, presented by me, I had nothing.
With another young man I made mistakes in the wishes for gifts. For example, to his question: "What kind of flowers do you give for February 14?" I replied: "Oh, honey, they are so expensive. Plus, the winter - they will quickly fade. And I also have such a strange taste - it is hard for me to please with a bouquet." After that, I never saw flowers from this person. Even for a birthday. After all, made it clear that I did not please. And the fact that I do not understand why I give them.
My second mistake was related to the question: "What gift do you buy for March 8?" And my answer (for which I still can not forgive myself), sounded like this: "Buy me a yoga mat. But only the cheapest. Without fanaticism, honey."
Well, after this I am not a fool? Who decided to save? On myself? And what did this show a man? His thrift and economy, or the fact that I do not even value myself. And why then can I demand respect for myself from the others, since I myself do not show this to my person? I received a present, which I asked for: a cheap rug, which I threw away after a couple of months.
Last story associated with the end of a relationship. When my female intuition told me that our weekend was suffocating from life and boredom, I decided to take everything into my own hands. She found a hotel that, in the off-season, offered a suite (decorated with candles and rose petals) at half price. So I paid for it and arranged a surprise for the young man. I thought that he, knowing the value of such a gift, would pay at least for the food that we ate in the room. But I was wrong. Since my initiative - it means my wallet. After this incident, there was no more romance in the relationship - because I refused to pay for it.
The common thing in these stories is that for a long time I did not understand why girlfriends on whom men spend money build relationships so easily. And only after a while a simple truth came to me, which all psychologists say: "The more a man puts in a woman, the more he becomes attached."
The conclusion with which I live now sounds like this: saving a man's money is saving on himself. It is worth remembering always the truth of the words of E. M. Remarque: "A woman saving on herself makes only one desire to others - to save even more on her."
Love and appreciate yourself, my dear. Do not make my mistakes.
