What is the reason for the increasing tendency of modern mothers to hypercare? Is the opportunity to realize the maternal instinct for three or even longer years a chance that women who raised children in the Soviet period were deprived of? Or has a generation grown up expressing thus longing for its own childhood, which passed in the crucial era of the 90s? Be that as it may, one can observe the bizarre transformation of the maternal instinct everywhere - parents, overly custody of their children, are more and more often met at guests, schools, and playgrounds. The best mothers, a kind of perfectionist, are most susceptible to hyperopeca syndrome, as if they had given themselves a vow to always remain at their best in raising their child.
The best mothers, a kind of perfectionist, are most susceptible to hyperopeca syndrome, as if they had given themselves a vow to always remain at their best in raising their child. A parent-mother, a mother-girlfriend - all these roles, generously flavored with the raging instinct of protecting their offspring, increasingly lead to completely wrong results. A “comfortable” child, an obedient girl, a good boy, suddenly turn out to be prone to protracted depressions, depressed, succumbing to the very first difficulties. But it was there, in the abyss of weakness and lack of will, the mother paved the way, protecting her baby from the first problems.
What is the peculiarity of hyper-custody, and how to understand where the thin line between the excellent performance of maternal duties and the severe suppression of the will and freedom of your own child passes? Is it possible to track the moment when the familiar every minute scanning of the environment for potential danger develops into a frank intervention in the personal space of the child?
You can notice the beginning of a bias towards hyper-custody by observing the "sandbox wars" - the territory that rightfully belongs to the kids. The place where crumbs meet, building a communication experience, is their first school of life. It is here that the veil over the adult world is opened - the first greed, envy, resentment of the taken away toy should develop into joy from the buckets and shoulder blades disinterestedly shared with friends, from the appearance of playmates. But it is precisely in these delicate relationships that parents begin to intervene, checking every second: whether their son is offended, whether their daughter can demonstrate excellent education without being greedy and sharing with peers. Help in winning back their own wealth - cars and molds, turns into a demonstration of the principles of education among mothers themselves, whose unwitting hostages become children.
Take a closer look: the whole territory is strictly divided between two irreconcilable camps of women - some learn to share contrary to the will and mood of their child, others always protect personal things, fostering individualism. A familiar image - in place of the quiet grandmothers, who crawled behind the grandson aside, brisk young women came in, ready to rush at the first call, not allowing the first conflicts to be resolved naturally?
Only a couple of years will pass, and they, prompted by eternal competition for the palm in the upbringing, will once again sit at the school desk, not noticing how their own child is being squeezed out because of it. They will determine the circle of his communication, vigilantly watching that unsuitable acquaintances fall into him, "help" in choosing a style, and "adjust" taste. How many women in conversation with friends speak, talking about the already chosen university and profession for growing children? This is caring, participation, thoughtful planning - and at the same time, severe suppression of the will of the child. “Mom knows the best,” the woman says, not noticing that she walked her own path to achieving this knowledge on her own, but does not want to let go of her chick's hand on his road to wisdom.
In some families, the first protest riot occurs already in a teenager, and he is often suppressed imperiously, giving the world new "sissies" and "father's daughters." The victims of hyper-custody are already visible at school - obedient, not stupid, striving not to cause inconvenience to teachers and not upset their parents, they are certainly attractive to society. However, the second side of the coin is their lack of initiative, lethargy, lack of their own opinions and complete inability to defend their positions. It’s easy to manipulate such people - sooner or later, their native nest will be forced to release their child into the adult world. But it is precisely there, that he, unprepared, forever suppressed, will face real dangers that can easily be overcome by someone who, from childhood, has become accustomed to independence and upholding his own positions, thanks to a released hand in time.
How often we are moved by the cooing of a young mother: "we sleep well," "we walked," "we took the first steps." Mother and child are connected by a single thread for life, but you should not miss the moment when it is time to make it only an invisible cobweb, stretching from parental hearts. Otherwise, it becomes a chain that fetters the will and self of the person.
The best mothers, a kind of perfectionist, are most susceptible to hyperopeca syndrome, as if they had given themselves a vow to always remain at their best in raising their child. A parent-mother, a mother-girlfriend - all these roles, generously flavored with the raging instinct of protecting their offspring, increasingly lead to completely wrong results. A “comfortable” child, an obedient girl, a good boy, suddenly turn out to be prone to protracted depressions, depressed, succumbing to the very first difficulties. But it was there, in the abyss of weakness and lack of will, the mother paved the way, protecting her baby from the first problems.
What is the peculiarity of hyper-custody, and how to understand where the thin line between the excellent performance of maternal duties and the severe suppression of the will and freedom of your own child passes? Is it possible to track the moment when the familiar every minute scanning of the environment for potential danger develops into a frank intervention in the personal space of the child?
You can notice the beginning of a bias towards hyper-custody by observing the "sandbox wars" - the territory that rightfully belongs to the kids. The place where crumbs meet, building a communication experience, is their first school of life. It is here that the veil over the adult world is opened - the first greed, envy, resentment of the taken away toy should develop into joy from the buckets and shoulder blades disinterestedly shared with friends, from the appearance of playmates. But it is precisely in these delicate relationships that parents begin to intervene, checking every second: whether their son is offended, whether their daughter can demonstrate excellent education without being greedy and sharing with peers. Help in winning back their own wealth - cars and molds, turns into a demonstration of the principles of education among mothers themselves, whose unwitting hostages become children.
Take a closer look: the whole territory is strictly divided between two irreconcilable camps of women - some learn to share contrary to the will and mood of their child, others always protect personal things, fostering individualism. A familiar image - in place of the quiet grandmothers, who crawled behind the grandson aside, brisk young women came in, ready to rush at the first call, not allowing the first conflicts to be resolved naturally?
Only a couple of years will pass, and they, prompted by eternal competition for the palm in the upbringing, will once again sit at the school desk, not noticing how their own child is being squeezed out because of it. They will determine the circle of his communication, vigilantly watching that unsuitable acquaintances fall into him, "help" in choosing a style, and "adjust" taste. How many women in conversation with friends speak, talking about the already chosen university and profession for growing children? This is caring, participation, thoughtful planning - and at the same time, severe suppression of the will of the child. “Mom knows the best,” the woman says, not noticing that she walked her own path to achieving this knowledge on her own, but does not want to let go of her chick's hand on his road to wisdom.
In some families, the first protest riot occurs already in a teenager, and he is often suppressed imperiously, giving the world new "sissies" and "father's daughters." The victims of hyper-custody are already visible at school - obedient, not stupid, striving not to cause inconvenience to teachers and not upset their parents, they are certainly attractive to society. However, the second side of the coin is their lack of initiative, lethargy, lack of their own opinions and complete inability to defend their positions. It’s easy to manipulate such people - sooner or later, their native nest will be forced to release their child into the adult world. But it is precisely there, that he, unprepared, forever suppressed, will face real dangers that can easily be overcome by someone who, from childhood, has become accustomed to independence and upholding his own positions, thanks to a released hand in time.
How often we are moved by the cooing of a young mother: "we sleep well," "we walked," "we took the first steps." Mother and child are connected by a single thread for life, but you should not miss the moment when it is time to make it only an invisible cobweb, stretching from parental hearts. Otherwise, it becomes a chain that fetters the will and self of the person.
